Folding the Flag

In the middle of making taco salad this evening my husband asked if I had a minute to help him with something. Without looking up I said "You bet!" expecting to balance a board or hold a wrench. When I stepped away from the stove I couldn't help but ask "Where did you get that?" surprised at the tattered and dirty American flag roughly the size of our couch.

"Your dad asked me to bring it to John (my brother in law) so the scouts can dispose of it appropriately." 

As I held one end and he started folding from the other I was completely caught off guard by the flood of emotions.

With each fold I thought of my Dad serving, and my Grandfather. I remembered the anthem playing as we picked my dad up from work on the base. I remembered holding my hand over my heart at a parade. My first feeling of reverence. I thought of the first time I saw the Vietnam memorial, how the names went on and on, and as he reached me...I held my breath to keep the irrepressible tear for the many women who have been handed a folded flag for their husbands and sons who gave everything for the love of our country.

I don't know the story of the flag I saw tonight but there is power in a symbol like that. Just like my wedding ring was more than a metal and stone band the moment it was given with a promise, the flag was so much more than a piece of fabric, from the moment the first one was sewn with a hope. When I pledge allegiance to this flag I am showing my devotion to the principles it represents, the virtues our founding fathers stood for. Liberty, honor, sacrifice. When a symbol carries that kind of weight and history you can't help but feel it. Those virtues are the ones that band us together as Americans, even when it feels like we are tearing a part.

Lately I've been feeling uninspired to patriotism. Disillusioned at our electoral system and embarrassed at the public's preference of representation, I've frequently thought "It's come to this? What could possibly be next? Is there anything left to be proud of?" and tonight I got my answer.

Yes. There is something to be proud of in being American. While we have our problems and make our mistakes. We have a brilliant courageous heritage. Our foundation is strong and even if we have to fall apart to build back up, I know we can, as long as the flag still flies for liberty and justice under God.

Replace Instant Information with Wonder and Curiosity

Is it just me or do people seem to know less and have more opinions than ever before? I mean just
think back to the last constructive or thought provoking discussion you had. When was that? Are these conversations as often as you'd like them? 

In the information age we do not need to KNOW anything. Everything is right at our fingertips from calculators to recipes to our favorite places to comparison shop without getting off the couch! In fact we don't even have to type our questions in anymore; Just ask our phone and simple quarries are answered right back to us! Technology has eliminated our need to remember metric conversions, steak cook times, our friends phone numbers and favorite restaurant's hours of operation. We also don't need to remember the things we look up purely out of curiosity like "Where do otters sleep?" because if we ever get curious about it later we can look it up again and our wonderment is immediately satisfied and forgotten like a fast food meal.

This technological miracle has changed our lives forever and it's also changing our culture. Just think about how our kids have never known a world without Google... Many of them grew up sucking on our smartphones (don't even get me started on why a parent would use a $500 computer as a chew toy!) They see you tube videos, play games, and get instant gratification to any question that crosses their mind whether or not we have a clue. (Like when my son asked if chickens ate corn dogs). I've noticed that my preschooler is way smarter than I was at his age for this reason but I also wonder how much of it will stick. 

When I was a kid in school I learned pretty quickly that if I "studied" for a test the night before I could retain the information just long enough to regurgitate it on an exam. I did great in school but I shamefully admit that even with a college degree I'm not very educated. I just learned the system and our kids will too.

Their system is one that tells them they don't need to pay attention to lectures or books. If they NEED the information they'll look it up WHEN they need it. For this reason they don't need to remember what they look up either. Obviously some of it will stick but popular psychology has shown that information we don't inherently deem as important is disregarded for to make room for incoming information. Now here is the kicker. THERE IS ALWAYS INCOMING INFORMATION!! We are so bombarded by information our minds literally cannot process it all. So things become more catchy and flashy and bait-clicky. Instead of reading articles we are reading headlines, bullet points, and comments for a summary. In fact if you are still reading this I'm impressed. What do you think this is doing to their attention spans? Their persistence? How will they value listening to others in a selfie, 120 character "tweet about me" world?

I contest that wondering is good. 

For our kids AND for us. Next time you want to know what the type of painting you saw at the farmers market is, or how to cook eggplant I suggest that instead of hopping on the internet you ask around. Doing this for insight or knowledge is great for relationships! It creates meaningful conversations, sparks curiosity in others, adds value to your friendships as they feel needed and respected for the useful things they know, takes your knowledge beyond the test line answer, and can expand your horizons to new topics and ideas. Doing this will spark your creativity in new directions and change your perspective and preconceived notions of both the topic and your friends. Furthermore it is really connecting with those we love most or are interested in knowing better.

You can also try finding out the scientific way. Create a hypothesis, test it out, evaluate what you've discovered.

Read a book! Or a magazine, or some other physical piece of paper that was written with the express purpose of answering your quarry. Things that are topic specific have richer information written by people passionate about that subject. Just think about how much more interesting it would be to read about an american red chested robin from an ornithologist than from Wikipedia!

Another idea to keep wonder alive is to question your question. WHY do you wonder who the vice presidential candidate for the upcoming election will be, WHAT caused the tomatoes to be SO big this year, etc.

Dig Deeper. Add substance and depth to your understanding.

Or simply ponder. Let you mind stick on how to get the potatoes to crisp on the outside and turn soft on the inside, when you come across the answer by reading it in a book, or talking to a friend, or experimenting for the 15th time it will be so much more satisfying and you won't forget it.

Yes we have the wonders of technology to to quickly help us guesstimate a mortgage payment or find poison controls phone number but the next time you are planning a vacation start somewhere else and see where it leads you because ultimately:

Technology is a tool, we don't have to let it be a master.

Creating a Family Mission Statement

Hatch Family Mission Statement

It's important to have a clear vision of what you are trying to accomplish so when life gets messy you can refocus on what is MOST important to you and sometimes just cut back all the busy that seems to infiltrate our lives to the essential things that will help you reach that goal.

When my husband and I set out to write our first mission statement we were pregnant with our first and decided to:

1. List the key values we wanted to teach our son. 
2. Narrow the list to the MOST important values and carefully chose words that would incorporate more than one concept that was important to us. 
3. We then listed these values and expanded on why they are important to us then looked at this
   explanation of values.
4. Finally came up with a more concise goal that would be easy to remember and post on our walls. 

Then a few years later after attending a homeschooling conference I was inspired to create a vision statement as a "end goal" for what I was trying to accomplish through homeschooling which is really just an extension of our family life. By then we had decided that our guiding scripture was "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 and that ideally when we are done we are going to have sons that are ambitious and creative to reach their goals yet at their core display Christian virtues. We hope to encourage these innate values in our boys through cultivating their gifts instead of coercing them into ours.

As time goes on our mission/vision for our family evolves to be more clear/less wordy but over the last 4 years I've been surprised by how little has changed with the substance. I think this is because we really took the time to dig deep, know ourselves, and pray for God's hand in our lives when we created it. I hope you have just as much inspiration and success as you decide what is important for your family too and find the process/ set up of our mission (what we work on day to day) and vision (how we see our family's future) statements helpful.

Vision Statement:

Cultivating Drive and Virtue

Mission Statement:

We live with Intention, seeking wisdom, showing love, and expressing gratitude.

Explanation of values:

Hatch Family Explanation of Values

Motto:

“I can do hard things”

Why Gifts Matter

I am a chronic purger of things. I have a fear of "Stuff-itus" and and constantly trying to disinfect my home against affluenza. Add to that all the sentimentality of an aboriginal nomad and I really am the worst person you can imagine at seeing the value in gifts.

Over the last few years of asking my self if things have purpose, meaning or value I've grown cold to the idea that things could be more than just tools to make life easier.

So when I read the 5 Love Languages and that gifts were one of them I rolled my eyes and joked about how you can't buy love. Secretly though, I was terrified. If gifts really meant that much to people (like my mom and sister!) and I was really that bad at giving them, what was that saying to them about how I regard them?! Since stuff was just stuff to me I projected that out look on others and simply quit stressing over them or giving useful things like work gloves and grocery store gift cards when gifts were absolutely required. The idea that a gift could be worth more than the price tag was overwhelming and confusing to me and to be honest, for a long time, annoying as well.

It all started to change for me though last year. When I turned 30 there was no celebration with friends or cake (two of my favorite things) my birthday just came and went while we were camping. As juvenile as it sounds I enjoy birthdays and I was bummed but moving on when my friend Jessie showed up at my door the day we got back with a homemade gold quilt (based off a discussion we had the month before about golden birthdays at a time when she was one of the only people in the world I could connect with during my miscarriage). I was so overwhelmed that she remembered me, spent the time, energy, and money to make it for me, and put so much thought behind it, that I cried...twice. Even now, every time I put it on my lap I feel loved. As I sat there the first night with it, the thought occurred to me that sometimes things are not just things, but a physical reminder that you are known and loved.

Everything got crazy with the move and new pregnancy but as the new year started I determined to be better. To become bilingual in the language of love and really find out what it means to give good gifts.

The first step was remembering important events in people's lives and since I can't even remember my own car keys half the time I started with making a birthday calendar of my immediate family, in laws, and closest friends. (I'll hopefully extend to nieces and nephews and other friends next year) I figured if I can send a text to my brother in law to say "happy birthday" it will at least send the message that I'm happy they are a part of my life.

For my friends I would try to send a gift to show them that I value our relationship, am thinking of them, and know them well enough to give a gift they'll enjoy.

That last part was the kicker. So far I've mailed gift cards which I think they will like based off what I know about them but it's still not very personal. I bombed a stationary and jewelry gift and barely passed on a mothers day gift. Giving meaningful gifts takes a lot of work! You really have to listen and ask and know someone to give a gift that they will like, use, or cherish. The truth is, it's never been about stuff, it's about spending time to think deeply about who they are and what you like about them, sacrificing time and/or money to express that thought, and picking the right time to do it.

This little experiment has taught me a lot so far. Mostly about myself and how much better of a friend I should be to those I love than I have been... but that was kind of the point wasn't it? Now I see the value in taking the time to fumble my way through this new language and hope that my friends get the gist of what I'm trying to say when they receive an envelope with a hand written note on an Arby's napkin with an Amazon gift card a a week late. That while I may lack the eloquence of a signed book by their favorite author that we heard speak two years ago then laughed out butts off as we got lost in the drive home, the message is essentially the same. That they are remembered, important to me, and loved.

While I doubt I'll suddenly become sentimental or have a love affair with commercial holidays; I have to acknowledge that the gifts I've been given through time, that have really affected me, have come from a place of thoughtfulness, love, and really knowing me- at times better than I know my self and it's those qualities that make phenomenal friends. I definitely want to be one of those one day because I absolutely have them now. If I can express that with a bow or an inside joke, then all the better. So I'll continue to practice until I'm a fluent gift giver and enjoy the richness of seeing the world from outside my own perspective again.

To see my blog on the Love language of Words of Affirmation click here!

Sticking to the Basics

Preschool through Kindergarten we plan on ONLY teaching Reading, Writing, and Math. 

Yep that's it.
No unit studies on clouds, or animals here, no history or music lessons, just the classic 3 R's. Oh and if that doesn't make you nervous then I'll add that in Preschool the lessons are only 10 minutes each totaling a half hour school day!

The reason for the short lessons is simple; an average kindergartner has an attention span of 10-15 minutes. Now they may still be at the task at hand longer than that, but  typically their minds have wondered off course. The theory is to use short focused lessons to get the information across then let it marinate through play and exposure throughout the day.

I'll happily explain the other core ideas/science behind our sticking to the basics as well (references at the end of the article)!

1. We create a learning rich environment in the home for a culture of learning through out the day. Meaning we have books, and blocks, and craft supplies out, TV is a once in awhile treat and play the expected course of action for the day. They have chores and help with the cooking, and are encouraged to strike up conversation when we are out. As a culture we have moved away from letting kids have free time to play outdoors and learn natural life skills and I think that is a tragedy. As a homeschooler I am teaching the whole child and at this age confidence building is the name of the game for all of their skill sets, not just academic.
2. They are expected to read at younger and younger ages and every developmental psychologist will tell you that boys especially are not mentally/physically ready for a full school day by age five and many are not ready to read until age seven! The American standard timeline for education is simply not developmentally appropriate. So what are they supposed to be doing up until that age? Exploring the world around them and making connections with their bodies and minds. In many countries, such as Finland ranked #1 in the world for reading and math , formal education doesn't even start until age seven and there have been several studies that show no real advantages for early readers in the long term over their later reading peers; in fact by 3rd grade boys/ girls/ early/ late readers all tend to even out on skill level. The only real difference in better literacy skills is in how much they were read aloud to. 
3. So many of the early, and even more complex, math skills can be learned before the kids are ready to express them abstractly. Giving them a chance to solve verbal math problems, manipulate objects, and build things concretes math concepts so that when they do learn how to write 2+12=14 they know what that means inside and out because they are so well acquainted with what the number 14 is and how to construct and deconstruct it its just a matter of handwriting at that point.
4. We want to give them a solid literacy foundation to build from. So much of education these days is reading books and instructions. If they feel confident as a reader and associate it with fun (by being read to and taking a SLOW and encouraging path to literacy) then you eliminate the mental block that can come with being introduced to complex concepts while they are still trying to figure out phonetics! The same goes for handwriting. What quality of writing would you have if,  when trying to get a thought across on paper, you had to stop and wonder whether the "b" has the bump on the front or the back and how to stay in the lines? By giving them extra time to practice, practice, practice and not rushing the curriculum along to stay on schedule you build learning confidence so that when you start to introduce other subjects they are met with enthusiasm and they already know how to read and write well enough to use them as tools instead of viewing them as obstacles.

This may sound a little bit un-schoolish up until this point but we really are not. I absolutely believe in structure, routines, and that boxed curriculums save mom a lot of time and can be a great fit for all the accepted learning styles. Furthermore while it's great to follow a kids interests whenever you can, sometimes you just have to learn the hard stuff so you can move on and even fully conceptualize the fun subjects. Self discipline is an essential character trait only learned through having expectations to meet and pushing through to do hard things. In our home, character is as important as academics.

In fact we actually found a curriculum we LOVE that is through and engaging for teaching reading, writing, spelling and grammar comprehensively. It's called the Logic of English and we started our oldest on it when he was 3 because he had a desire to learn his letter sounds. Each lesson in their foundations curriculum has 4 parts so we just broke it a part and taught one lesson a week until he built up stamina to get through 2 lessons a week. The activities vary so you don't get bored with it and they teach each concept auditory, visually, and kinstheticly whenever possible.

For Math I purchased two books titled "Mathematics their way" and "Hands On Learning" to get a scope and sequence of early math concepts. I use these, Mathstart books, math games, manipulatives, Montessori materials, and fun projects/ ideas I find on Pinterest to teach or really "play" math with my son a few times a day. Once we get into first grade I'm also looking at Math on the level as a way to naturally flow from one concept into another with each math subcategory as he grows out of some of the early math concepts and is ready for more complex materials.

Oh and I also read to all of my kids CONSTANTLY. It is the best for snuggle times and we read new books from the library as well as the same book over and over again in the same day. My 3 year old had several books memorized and loved to pretend to read as he was learning what a letter, word, and sentence were.

We call this Montessori-inspired-play-based-foundation-setting-learning Stage 1. Each stage of their education will look different based on what they need at that time but for laying a foundation in young learners that sparks joy and curiosity we believe this is the way to go.

Resources I've found useful in forming these ideas are listed below in affiliate links and links to other websites/videos:

• One of the several articles available on children's attention span 
• An article on how the American standard education timeline is not developmentally appropriate.
• Finnish Education- There are a lot of videos out there with great information but this is the most recent one I've come across that focuses on the younger students freedom to be a child. 
• The Read Aloud Handbook book and this reading info-graphic show the importance of reading aloud to your kids and this reading info-graphic to show the importance of continuing to read to your kids.
• The 3 R's was an especially enlightening read for me. It help concisely explain the sequence of teaching early math skills and gave insight into learning math skills/concepts vs being able to explain them abstractly.
• (More math resources/ reviews available soon in another blog post!)

Our Home School Philosophy

Every Homeschooler develops their own philosophy that usually evolves with their family over time. It starts with learning about the popular philosophies and deciding which ones fit your family. Over time you create a vision for what you are trying to accomplish and how to take pieces of the popular methods and curriculums to meet that need. Every family is different, so their vision statement and philosophy will be too. Here you can find ours to help you see where I am coming from in my recommendations, values and thought process. Yours will definitely be made to suit your goals and family dynamic but if it helps you get a starting point on framing your child's education then go for it! Feel free to use this as a template.

Our Vision Statement: 
Cultivating Driven Disciples of Christ

Our Mission Statement:
We insight creative problem solving and curiosity while instilling good character.

Statement of Values:

We value Liberty to study what is interesting in a way that works best for you.

We value Work and self regulation to accomplish what needs to be done for a quality well rounded education.

We value Character, the most important thing you can be in this life is kind. The more you love God and yourself the more you can love others and see them the way He does. If you learn nothing else but to be be a honest, kind, hard working person then that is enough.

Our favorite popular philosophies:

• Montessori for when they are young since children learn best through play and self discovery. 
• Unit Studies as a way to see how different subjects are interconnected and get a through understanding of what sparks our passion and what shapes our world. 
• Classical Education for the trivium of grammar, logic, and rhetoric. Learning the rules so you can learn how to think and then express those ideas is a dying art. I also love Latin because it is the base of so much of our language that knowing it is a great tool for decoding the world of science and literature.
• Go Schooling. As a home school family we are in a unique position to go and experience things hands on (like field trips) as often as we plan it. The best way to learn is to do and these are the experiences that will leave a lasting impression the rest of their lives.
• TJED in the sense that we see great value in being self motivated, having personal responsibility, and cultivating leadership.

Each philosophy has its place and its age range in our home. Montessori for Pre-K to 1st grade as we focus on learning the foundations of reading, writing, and math in an active physical way. Unit studies, Go School and Classical education 2nd-7th grade, and Classical education for 8-10th grade with all the tracking they may need for college applications. Ultimately I hope to be done with their high school education by 10th grade, so that they can focus the last two years on getting a leg up over their competition by either working their trade under a mentor/ going to trade school, preparing for or attending college, or running and hopefully failing at several small businesses (since one of our parenting philosophies is to let them make mistakes while the price tags are small). This is the age where the TJED self led meets the rhetoric stage to create articulate adults who master their field and teach/ inspire others.

We also decided to come up with home school name and mascot for field trips, friendly competitions, and in the silly cases where you need to sound like a legitimate school in order to get the educator discounts.

Our Home School Name:

Oak River Academy
We came up with this name because we like the duality of  the hard wood tree that can not only withstand strong winds but is strengthened by them and has deep reaching roots. Against the flowing river that changes things in its path through persistence and see's the world as it journeys bringing life wherever it wanders.

Our Mascot:
A Bull Moose
This is just fun because 1. Bull Moose are beautiful majestic delicious creatures and 2. With a House full of boys coming from parents that grew up in the mountains of Utah and the wilderness of Alaska it seemed like the only logical option.

The Heart of a Doer..

Today I met two of the most interesting people I have ever encountered in my life. One is a full time sailor from Seward, Alaska and the other a bush pilot from northern Canada. Together they sailed the northwest passage last year. My husband knew him from some seasonal slope work he had done before embarking on this epic voyage. We met his wife for the first time today. She had happen to land in the same small Canadian town on the same day he pulled in to do some repairs at the beginning of this trip, then joined him for the rest of the adventure.

She had flown over this area many times but loved seeing it from the sea for the first time. She described the beauty of Greenland as they traveled through the outlying islands in their way to Iceland to pick up the sail boat we were now sitting on as Heber checked out the engine room James looked at maps and chased their cat and Dodge happily played with sockets in the hull.

She told me about the previous owners of the sailboat, which were a family with 3 kids who sailed the Carribean in an 800 sqft boat for years. Small evidences of children were quietly echoed with the pink bed skirts on the bunks and the marker under the map table. What stories they must have had to tell.

As we visited he showed us pictures of a small cabin he had built outside Seward last fall with his high school aged son to each him discipline and the value of work. They plan on staying docked there until he graduates, teaching sailing and scuba lessons and fixing engines, so he can see more of his Son.

Eventually after sailing Antarctica they hope to homestead in Idaho and live completely off the grid. 

At this point we had a lot to talk about, different investments and land options, professional outfitting and horseback riding. The value of raising boys in the country. The enthusiasm reverberated between us growing with each pass. We actually have a lot in common.

The conversation ended with how neither of us plan much more than 3 years ahead because so much can change between now and then for "doers" or "livers of life".

Up until this point I had felt a little intimidated by these true adventures and modern explorers. What in the world could a stay at home mom who has never been further east than Minneapolis for a work trip say to them?!

Yet whenever I picture my perfect life they are exactly the type of people I imagine having over for dinner parties. Interesting dynamic unique individuals with stories to tell and life battered wisdom to impart. Only every time I slip into this fantasy I am slapped back to reality with "What would people like that be doing in rural Idaho at a farmhouse dinner table?" and "What would interest them to sit at yours?"I sit perplexed.

I think deeply but rarely get into philosophical discussions. I paint amateurishly. I read mostly books about how to better educate my children and not burn the chicken. As interesting and well traveled as I'd like to be, I've spent my last 4 years pregnant, nursing, dreaming and posting hilarious toddler quotes on Facebook. The thing is though, I'm not ashamed of it. There will be years of home school adventures and outdoor trips and exotic travel. My life may seem ordinary and expected from the outside but inside it is full of wonder and richness that can only come from high quality ingredients given time to simmer together. And doers will see that, because it's not WHAT you do that makes you a liver of life, it's the heart and energy you put into it that draws like minded and similar spirited people to you.

One of my favorite pages to follow on Facebook is "Humans of New York" because the author of this group has an amazing talent of running into ordinary people on the street and pulling out extraordinary, thought provoking, or touching stories from their lives and perspectives. He sees meeting people as a grand adventure and presents his work to us in such a way that leaves us hopeful and curious about humanity. Its not that the people are that wonderful it's just that we see things through his lens that is.

This is how doers view life as something to engage in. Its a lens that makes everything curious, interesting, thrilling. This is how some people have the gift to see the divinity in others. They are not only what is there but can be or was.

I remember reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" for a college persuasion class. One of the key principles is to be genuinely interested in their lives. A doer is always interested and because of this learns things and gains associations that others may over look. And in the end, that's what makes them interesting.

Who is the most interesting person you've ever met? What drew you to them?

12 Things You Can Do to Chase the Blues Away

We've all been there. Stuck in a rut, tired, discouraged. Maybe it's a little cabin fever from the never ending dark winter months. Maybe it's the spring "school burnout" that that hits public and homeschoolers alike. Dare I even mention postpartum blues or depression? My point is that we all have the ups and downs for one reason or another and sometimes it takes more than a "shift in attitude" to break out of a funk.

I have suffered from depression a few times now and I'm not about to make light of the subject because for some there definitely is a chemical component or deeper issue that needs to be addressed. If you show signs of depression for more than 2 weeks PLEASE get some professional help because trust me you are loved and needed and they can help you feel like yourself again.

For me though I find I can usually head it off with a few simple changes:

1. Wake up! I know not everyone is a morning person and I could wax poetic about the benefits of starting your day earlier but whatever your wake up time is DO NOT sleep in. Do not mumble around the house half asleep either. When it is time to wake up start moving on your morning routine. Since we are moms I would also strongly suggest waking up before your kids or at least with them, this will feel like you have a head start advantage, having even a few minutes of quiet "me time" will be so surprisingly refreshing you may become obsessed and they won't have the time to make BIG messes before the day even starts. It also sets the tone that mom is in control and ready to take on the day (even if you are not quite there yet) which will give them a feeling of security and comfort. I know it's hard but really what quality of sleep are you getting when they are already up anyway and how fun is it to wake up to a mess or a fight? This one is a game changer.

2. Get Dressed, and I don't just mean clean yoga pants. Start your day with a fresh outfit and do your hair even if you are staying home for the day. If you are into jewelry wear it, if make up is your thing find a way to put your face on before you leave the house. I personally always feel better with some cute toenails but whatever it is that makes you feel like you would be happy to run into someone you know, get your self to that point at the start of your day.

3. Clean. I don't mean clean your whole house or break out the white gloves I mean tidy up the space you are going to be living in for the day (usually the kitchen or living room) You will feel like you've accomplished something at the start of your day which may set "getting things done" attitude in motion or at least you can't bemoan having done nothing all day when life gets real. You will also have a blank slate to start from and would be surprised at how much more peaceful the kids are in a clean peaceful environment, suddenly the "I'm bored" turns into creative play. It's also a good way to practice being more mindful and in the moment as you wipe down counters or re shelve books. This is also a great one to get the kids out of their funk too. Working on a project together will help bond you and give them a sense of accomplishment.

4. Do one thing to Set Yourself up for Success. Whether that is starting a load of laundry because you notice your kids are on their last pair of pajamas, starting the dishwasher so you don't have to scrounge for spoons, make a grocery list before going to the store, or putting dinner in the crock-pot because you know that evening is going to be crazy. Do one thing where later you can say "Thanks past self, you really got my back".

5. Go Outside! Seriously, even if it is just to the front lawn or if it is cold outside then leave the house to run an errand or grab a soda. The fresh air will wake up your lungs, you and the kids won't feel couped up or trapped in the house, vitamin D REALLY helps with depression, and there is a lot of detail in a snowflake or garden to help you get out of your own head. I usually like to combine this one with the next one too.

6. Exercise. Especially if you can't be outside very long. Find away for you to move your body by doing a workout video, going tot the gym, an impromptu dance party. Take the kids to a play land or a indoor jump house. I really like doing yoga because the slow stretches leave you feeling refreshed and not flushed and it's something I can do even if I'm dealing with a back injury or a pregnancy. Also when you are down you don't always move very fast but this brings you into intentional movement.

7. Teach your Kids Something New. This isn't a novel concept for homeschoolers but maybe it means stepping away from the curriculum for the day to explore something that caught their interest. Maybe it means talking about their grandma or growing up on a farm. Perhaps you just spend a little more time reading to them, pull out the painting supplies, or let them pick a game to play with you. This connecting with them in a meaningful way will help them feel loved, help you to step out of a routine that may be stifling both your growth and theirs, and help you to see your daily work in a new light.

8. Take a Shower or a bath. Sometimes you just need to clear your head under some running water, be alone, take a few breaths and come back at it. I actually like to shower in the late afternoons. I have long hair that takes several hours to dry and don't want to be held back by it in the morning or go to sleep with wet hair, it also refreshes me the way the naps refresh my kids so I'm ready for the evening rush, but find a time that works for you and some good smelling shampoo :)

9. Call a Friend or better yet meet up with one! I don't mean like their Facebook status or text about the PTA meeting. I mean call them on the phone and ask about their day. This helps you get out of your own horriblizing and pity parties by thinking about others. It's also always fun to talk to someone you connect with and can give  you a fresh perspective. It can also lead to...

10. Do an Act of Service. Yes as moms everything we do is service to our kids, which is great, but I'm talking about getting out of your world and into someone else's. Is there a neighbor who is sick and might like a fresh loaf of bread? Do you know an new mom who could use a few hours of baby sitting? Can your kids make cards for their great grandma and hand deliver them? Can you practice reading with your nephew? or teach your neighbor to cross stitch? Using your talents to bless others helps you feel needed and valued. I find it best when the kids can participate too because then they get to feel the joy of serving, it gives them something to do, and it teaches them how to be aware of the needs of others.

11. Go to Bed. I know that "me time" is so important when you are feeling consumed but do you need 5 hours of it into the middle of the night? What is the quality of the me time you're getting on your 6th episode of binge watching Hulu? By all means take some time to watch a show, catch up on a blog, or have a piece of chocolate but then go to bed early enough that waking up tomorrow wasn't as hard as waking up today. One that goes hand in hand with this is

12. Turn Off Your Screens. It helps you fall asleep quicker and get better rest. It also helps you be present instead of using Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, etc. as an escapist method. Not having our phone to look at constantly helps you face what it is that is bothering you and make better use of our time by being productive, connecting with others, or simply getting more restful sleep.

*Bonus tip* I know not everyone is religious but for me spending time on my knees in prayer and in the Word of God is foundational to feeling peace. I often slip out of these habits but even just asking for help to get through the day can give me so much strength and serenity I couldn't write this post without mentioning the grace that God offers us through his Son that can help us overcome all things. Including ourselves.

What helps you break out of the blues?

"Do You Know What I Love About You?" (5 ways to TELL your child you love them.)

One little question and a smile creeps across his face. He tries to hide his excitement as he answers "No mom, what do you just love about me?"

It's no secret that kids love to hear kind words and if you are familiar with "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman then you know we should be pouring our love out in all five languages to kids as often as we can. His basic theory is that there are five ways we show/ receive love from others and everyone has a preferred way to 'speak' and 'hear' love from one another. The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, The Gift of Time, Acts of Service, and Gifts (click the links to blog posts about the other love languages).  I'm starting to see a preference in my oldest for words of affirmation. Our words carry so much weight with our kids when they are little but even more so when this is the primary way they seek our love and attention.

But what are "Words of Affirmation"? These are the things we say (or write) to our children that tell them they are doing a good job, they are loved, they are needed and they are wanted. Sometimes when this isn't YOUR primary love language its hard to "speak" it to the ones who are eagerly waiting to hear it from you. My husband likes to jokingly say "I told you I loved you once and if that ever changes I'll let you know" but for someone who needs to HEAR his love daily that would be torture! So I thought I'd share some of the ways I'm learning to speak to my son (and my sister) who need to literally hear my love.

One way my preschooler just loves is simply asking "Do you know what I love about you?" followed by a specific example of something about who he is or what he has been doing lately. Like "I love how you take the time to include your younger brother when you play with your trains, that is very thoughtful." or "I love how you think of ways to make great grandma comfortable when she visits and how concerned you are when she is sick, that shows a lot of love" or "I love when you try to do things your self. That takes initiative." Giving specific examples shows that you are paying attention to what they are doing or trying to do. Labeling virtues helps them understand them better when you are trying to teach what initiative, empathy, and hard work are as well as helps them associate those characteristics with themselves. It builds confidence and a stronger sense of self and confirms your love and involvement in their life.

Something my husband and I like to do is to SAY A SPECIAL PRAYER with them at bedtime. Just the three of us where we thank God for them and list specific things they have done to bring joy to our life and contribute to the family. We also pray for things they are concerned about or struggling with to show them that we are aware of their strengths and with them in their struggles and that our Heavenly Father is too.

For the Child who likes to write I've heard of several mothers who KEEP A JOURNAL that the two of them write back and forth to each other when ever they feel the need to and leave on each other's pillow when it needs to be read. This is a great way to keep the communication flowing when the kids get older and have a hard time articulating themselves in the moment it's also a sneaky way to get them to practice their handwriting.

If your child is not yet writing you can DRAW A PICTURE of them doing something extraordinary and tell them about it. For example my boys are very much into being strong lately. So I drew a picture of my son carrying a heavy box and told him it was because he was SO strong. We talked about what could be in the box and how strong he would have to be to lift it. Also what he can do to get stronger. Yes it did help with this language development and some early math concepts but what I was really trying to do was reach his heart and show him that I know his desires, believe in his dreams, and want to help him reach his goals.

Often though its much easier than all this. You can simply look at them until you have their attention. Smile and say "I just love you. Always. No matter what". You can tell them this when they are happy, when they are sniffling after a fit, when they are tired or hurt. The more you say it the more they will believe it.

Before you know it you will here them say "Mom I just Love You" out of the blue or "Dad, you know what I like about you? You cook me breakfast everyday" or "James you can do hard things because you are STRONG like daddy" they pattern their language after ours so lets let our language be one of love, affirmation, and teaching.

If you haven't had a chance to check out the 5 love languages here is an affiliate link to my favorite of his books:

Raising Boys in a Feminist World

As a mother of boys my perspective on feminism has changed so much. 

I follow "A Mighty Girl" and have decided not all feminism is a twisted way for yet another person to speak for us collectively as women in regards to our social and political views. Our Fore-mothers have done so much to make the life I know and live possible and to discount that would be be selfish and wrong. I still take issue with unreasonable accommodation or the thought that jobs would be given BECAUSE of gender to fit some affirmative action law instead of being granted because of MERIT... but I have seen first hand how incredibly sexist the work place can still be in 2016. 

There are still legitimate cultural barriers for women today, so the work of feminism marches forward, and my part largely will be the work I do within the walls of my own home. I liked the idea of raising a strong, brave, smart girl who is confident enough to be feminine and supportive of her man without the guilt of betraying the feminist movement and assertive at work and in her community without the shame of being "bossy" or "bitchy" because she is a well spoken woman instead of a well spoken man.

I feel that traditional gender roles do not in anyway take away from progressive change for women when fulfilled with a sense of integrity. I'm not likely to have a girl (since i'm pretty sure we are done after this one) but I'll have 3 boys who will one day be 3 men. These men will see women as strong capable partners. They will know how to treat them with respect because their father treats me with respect. Good men who are not ashamed of their masculinity, and have a strong enough sense of self to know that masculinity and kindness are not mutually exclusive but are actually one in the same; are just as important as strong women who are not embarrassed by their femininity and know that soft can be strong.  I am honored to get to raise 3 of them and pray that I do an adequate job of showing them what a woman can be. As a stay at home mom I can show them how women cook, clean and nurture but also how they work, lead, learn and teach. The work I do will shape how they see, and talk about, and date women. So all you parents out there raising valiant, fierce, beautiful girls can rest safe knowing there are strong, loving, capable men for them to marry. The work I do will redeem the next generation from the threat of undervaluing men or putting the pressure on women to "do it all" when doing what they love is enough by setting a mold for strong families.

And if that's not powerful, I don't know what is.