Why Gifts Matter

I am a chronic purger of things. I have a fear of "Stuff-itus" and and constantly trying to disinfect my home against affluenza. Add to that all the sentimentality of an aboriginal nomad and I really am the worst person you can imagine at seeing the value in gifts.

Over the last few years of asking my self if things have purpose, meaning or value I've grown cold to the idea that things could be more than just tools to make life easier.

So when I read the 5 Love Languages and that gifts were one of them I rolled my eyes and joked about how you can't buy love. Secretly though, I was terrified. If gifts really meant that much to people (like my mom and sister!) and I was really that bad at giving them, what was that saying to them about how I regard them?! Since stuff was just stuff to me I projected that out look on others and simply quit stressing over them or giving useful things like work gloves and grocery store gift cards when gifts were absolutely required. The idea that a gift could be worth more than the price tag was overwhelming and confusing to me and to be honest, for a long time, annoying as well.

It all started to change for me though last year. When I turned 30 there was no celebration with friends or cake (two of my favorite things) my birthday just came and went while we were camping. As juvenile as it sounds I enjoy birthdays and I was bummed but moving on when my friend Jessie showed up at my door the day we got back with a homemade gold quilt (based off a discussion we had the month before about golden birthdays at a time when she was one of the only people in the world I could connect with during my miscarriage). I was so overwhelmed that she remembered me, spent the time, energy, and money to make it for me, and put so much thought behind it, that I cried...twice. Even now, every time I put it on my lap I feel loved. As I sat there the first night with it, the thought occurred to me that sometimes things are not just things, but a physical reminder that you are known and loved.

Everything got crazy with the move and new pregnancy but as the new year started I determined to be better. To become bilingual in the language of love and really find out what it means to give good gifts.

The first step was remembering important events in people's lives and since I can't even remember my own car keys half the time I started with making a birthday calendar of my immediate family, in laws, and closest friends. (I'll hopefully extend to nieces and nephews and other friends next year) I figured if I can send a text to my brother in law to say "happy birthday" it will at least send the message that I'm happy they are a part of my life.

For my friends I would try to send a gift to show them that I value our relationship, am thinking of them, and know them well enough to give a gift they'll enjoy.

That last part was the kicker. So far I've mailed gift cards which I think they will like based off what I know about them but it's still not very personal. I bombed a stationary and jewelry gift and barely passed on a mothers day gift. Giving meaningful gifts takes a lot of work! You really have to listen and ask and know someone to give a gift that they will like, use, or cherish. The truth is, it's never been about stuff, it's about spending time to think deeply about who they are and what you like about them, sacrificing time and/or money to express that thought, and picking the right time to do it.

This little experiment has taught me a lot so far. Mostly about myself and how much better of a friend I should be to those I love than I have been... but that was kind of the point wasn't it? Now I see the value in taking the time to fumble my way through this new language and hope that my friends get the gist of what I'm trying to say when they receive an envelope with a hand written note on an Arby's napkin with an Amazon gift card a a week late. That while I may lack the eloquence of a signed book by their favorite author that we heard speak two years ago then laughed out butts off as we got lost in the drive home, the message is essentially the same. That they are remembered, important to me, and loved.

While I doubt I'll suddenly become sentimental or have a love affair with commercial holidays; I have to acknowledge that the gifts I've been given through time, that have really affected me, have come from a place of thoughtfulness, love, and really knowing me- at times better than I know my self and it's those qualities that make phenomenal friends. I definitely want to be one of those one day because I absolutely have them now. If I can express that with a bow or an inside joke, then all the better. So I'll continue to practice until I'm a fluent gift giver and enjoy the richness of seeing the world from outside my own perspective again.

To see my blog on the Love language of Words of Affirmation click here!

Sticking to the Basics

Preschool through Kindergarten we plan on ONLY teaching Reading, Writing, and Math. 

Yep that's it.
No unit studies on clouds, or animals here, no history or music lessons, just the classic 3 R's. Oh and if that doesn't make you nervous then I'll add that in Preschool the lessons are only 10 minutes each totaling a half hour school day!

The reason for the short lessons is simple; an average kindergartner has an attention span of 10-15 minutes. Now they may still be at the task at hand longer than that, but  typically their minds have wondered off course. The theory is to use short focused lessons to get the information across then let it marinate through play and exposure throughout the day.

I'll happily explain the other core ideas/science behind our sticking to the basics as well (references at the end of the article)!

1. We create a learning rich environment in the home for a culture of learning through out the day. Meaning we have books, and blocks, and craft supplies out, TV is a once in awhile treat and play the expected course of action for the day. They have chores and help with the cooking, and are encouraged to strike up conversation when we are out. As a culture we have moved away from letting kids have free time to play outdoors and learn natural life skills and I think that is a tragedy. As a homeschooler I am teaching the whole child and at this age confidence building is the name of the game for all of their skill sets, not just academic.
2. They are expected to read at younger and younger ages and every developmental psychologist will tell you that boys especially are not mentally/physically ready for a full school day by age five and many are not ready to read until age seven! The American standard timeline for education is simply not developmentally appropriate. So what are they supposed to be doing up until that age? Exploring the world around them and making connections with their bodies and minds. In many countries, such as Finland ranked #1 in the world for reading and math , formal education doesn't even start until age seven and there have been several studies that show no real advantages for early readers in the long term over their later reading peers; in fact by 3rd grade boys/ girls/ early/ late readers all tend to even out on skill level. The only real difference in better literacy skills is in how much they were read aloud to. 
3. So many of the early, and even more complex, math skills can be learned before the kids are ready to express them abstractly. Giving them a chance to solve verbal math problems, manipulate objects, and build things concretes math concepts so that when they do learn how to write 2+12=14 they know what that means inside and out because they are so well acquainted with what the number 14 is and how to construct and deconstruct it its just a matter of handwriting at that point.
4. We want to give them a solid literacy foundation to build from. So much of education these days is reading books and instructions. If they feel confident as a reader and associate it with fun (by being read to and taking a SLOW and encouraging path to literacy) then you eliminate the mental block that can come with being introduced to complex concepts while they are still trying to figure out phonetics! The same goes for handwriting. What quality of writing would you have if,  when trying to get a thought across on paper, you had to stop and wonder whether the "b" has the bump on the front or the back and how to stay in the lines? By giving them extra time to practice, practice, practice and not rushing the curriculum along to stay on schedule you build learning confidence so that when you start to introduce other subjects they are met with enthusiasm and they already know how to read and write well enough to use them as tools instead of viewing them as obstacles.

This may sound a little bit un-schoolish up until this point but we really are not. I absolutely believe in structure, routines, and that boxed curriculums save mom a lot of time and can be a great fit for all the accepted learning styles. Furthermore while it's great to follow a kids interests whenever you can, sometimes you just have to learn the hard stuff so you can move on and even fully conceptualize the fun subjects. Self discipline is an essential character trait only learned through having expectations to meet and pushing through to do hard things. In our home, character is as important as academics.

In fact we actually found a curriculum we LOVE that is through and engaging for teaching reading, writing, spelling and grammar comprehensively. It's called the Logic of English and we started our oldest on it when he was 3 because he had a desire to learn his letter sounds. Each lesson in their foundations curriculum has 4 parts so we just broke it a part and taught one lesson a week until he built up stamina to get through 2 lessons a week. The activities vary so you don't get bored with it and they teach each concept auditory, visually, and kinstheticly whenever possible.

For Math I purchased two books titled "Mathematics their way" and "Hands On Learning" to get a scope and sequence of early math concepts. I use these, Mathstart books, math games, manipulatives, Montessori materials, and fun projects/ ideas I find on Pinterest to teach or really "play" math with my son a few times a day. Once we get into first grade I'm also looking at Math on the level as a way to naturally flow from one concept into another with each math subcategory as he grows out of some of the early math concepts and is ready for more complex materials.

Oh and I also read to all of my kids CONSTANTLY. It is the best for snuggle times and we read new books from the library as well as the same book over and over again in the same day. My 3 year old had several books memorized and loved to pretend to read as he was learning what a letter, word, and sentence were.

We call this Montessori-inspired-play-based-foundation-setting-learning Stage 1. Each stage of their education will look different based on what they need at that time but for laying a foundation in young learners that sparks joy and curiosity we believe this is the way to go.

Resources I've found useful in forming these ideas are listed below in affiliate links and links to other websites/videos:

• One of the several articles available on children's attention span 
• An article on how the American standard education timeline is not developmentally appropriate.
• Finnish Education- There are a lot of videos out there with great information but this is the most recent one I've come across that focuses on the younger students freedom to be a child. 
• The Read Aloud Handbook book and this reading info-graphic show the importance of reading aloud to your kids and this reading info-graphic to show the importance of continuing to read to your kids.
• The 3 R's was an especially enlightening read for me. It help concisely explain the sequence of teaching early math skills and gave insight into learning math skills/concepts vs being able to explain them abstractly.
• (More math resources/ reviews available soon in another blog post!)